David and Sarah

How did you feel about premarital/marriage mentoring before you started meeting with us? How did you feel once you got started?

Before getting started pre-marital mentoring, we were a bit nervous. David knew Tom well, but Sarah had just met Tom and Ruth Ann. We didn’t know how the conversations would go, whether we’d be put into uncomfortable situations, or really, what we’d find once we started digging into the good and bad of our relationship and personalities.

Once we started, though, things felt like they fell into place. Tom and Ruth Ann are down to earth, personable, and incredibly earnest. Though we got into tough topics, we didn’t feel like we were alone or ever being judged. We talked about family history, personal history, and got into the nitty-gritty of how we communicate. Their humility helped us to be humble as we approached things that we normally would have been somewhat prickly about. In the end, they made us feel like a great marriage is very possible and they helped us understand how great God’s design is for marriage.

What did you find to be most valuable about our times of meeting?

Gaining a better understanding of what marriage can be - the grand vision - was super helpful. Getting rid of some of the preconceptions about marriage that crept into our brains (like that marriage has to be rosy all the time, or that you have to find “the one,” or that you should just instinctively “get” everything about each other immediately) was super helpful. Tom and Ruth Ann helped us realize that marriage is more (not less) than what Hollywood often paints it as. That it’s more difficult, but way better.

And, most practically, just breaking down the nuts and bolts of great communication and modeling it for us as they co-mentored was massive. It’ll take a lifetime to perfect, but starting with the basics of communication was key for us starting out in marriage.

Have you seen changes in how you relate to each other? If so, please explain.

We have seen changes in how we communicate with each other - specifically starting with “I” statements instead of jumping to conclusions about what the other person is doing/thinking/feeling.

What would you say to someone who is unsure about doing premarital/marriage mentoring?

We’d say to jump in. At least just have the first session and get to know Tom and Ruth Ann. The investment in these conversations will continue to pay dividends, and you’ll set yourself up with more tools, resources, and ideas for a solid start to your marriage.